Considering that this is essentially a private space, it's remarkable how difficult I've found it to be truly honest in what I write here. Anyone who knows me through this site doesn't know me in real life. Everyone who knows me in real life doesn't know about this site, apart from one, and I'm hardly in contact with him at all these days, even though he's right up there on my list of favourite people.
So what's the point of having a secret space if I never reveal any secrets? I guess I'm a little ashamed of certain things, and don't wish to share them with strangers. I may allude to them, but I doubt I could ever openly discuss them, even in writing. Perhaps shutting them out makes them less real, and renders my questioning of my own decency invalid. A form of denial, if you will.
Suffice it to say that I have, err, erred. But I know I have it in me to rediscover the right path. Sorry - religious imagery not good. What I mean to say is that I intend to make certain modifications in my behaviour from here on in. I'll let you know how it goes, in a very vague and non-specific way of course.
Tuesday, 17 August 2010
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